Domestic Violence: Is Nigeria Making any Headway

By Caroline Ameh

When Rejoice got married to her husband, all she ever dreamt of was to have a great family where love, peace and joy thrives.

Little did she know that her dreams were mere illusions; Rejoice had no inclination that her joy would be cut-short.

Her husband left her with physical, emotional and health pains were deep and whenever she thinks of her marital sojourn, it is a nightmare.

This brings to bear the enlightenment campaigns about the issue of domestic violence and the question is if there has been any form of improvement.

Are the authorities concerned changing the narratives?
Suffice to say , between 2020 and 2023, Nigeria recorded 27,698 cases of Sexual and Gender-Based Violence (SGBV), with 1,145 fatal cases and 393 convictions of perpetrators according to a report by the Punch Newspaper.

The report also stated that in 2024 alone, there were 43,248 reported GBV cases, including 2,097 fatal incidents.

There are convictions of perpetrators no-doubt ,but are these of domestic violence commiserate to the numbers of cases?

This is aside the fact that on a daily basis in our communities in Nigeria, there are unreported cases of domestic violence and sometimes the reasons are not far-fetched.

Women in Nigeria often remain in abusive relationships for some of these reasons:
Fear of Retaliation: Many women fear physical harm or threats to their loved ones if they attempt to leave.
Financial Dependence: Economic reliance on their partners makes leaving financially daunting.
Emotional Manipulation: Abusers often undermine victims’ self-esteem, fostering a sense of dependency and guilt.
Cultural and Religious Pressures: Societal norms may stigmatize divorce, leading women to feel they must endure abuse.
Hope for Change: Victims may cling to the belief that their abuser will change, perpetuated by cycles of reconciliation but the sad truth is that do abusers change?

Hear her, “My name is Rejoice from Taraba state. I have two kids, a boy and a girl, 10 years and 9 years old. I got married to Mr. Micheal Smith Bonnyway in December, 2013, he’s from Kabba in Kogi state.

Since I got married to this man, I have experienced nothing but pains and sadness. From day one he has been lying to me but I never knew until when I had my first baby and I discovered everything.

“The first house we lived in belonged to his friend but he lied about it because his friend went to peacekeeping in Somalia. When I discovered that, I was heavily pregnant and there’s no way I can just move like that because I wasn’t doing anything so I had to manage.

I got a teaching job after I gave birth to my son. He was just four months old. I managed and save up for our first accommodation with virtually no support from Mike.

“As we progress in the marriage, I kept hope alive that his character will change but it never did because he graduated from not just normal quarrel but he started beating me up with any little opportunity he has.

“It became worst in 2020 during the lockdown, he will drop 200 hundred naira and expect me to cook with it. Whenever I dare to complain, I will get the beating of my life.

“Oftentimes, when the beating become much, I will run out from the house to either sleep with neighbours. He will come and start begging again and I will return back. We will be fine for like a week or two.

Rejoice and her Children

“There was this particular incident I will never forget, he told me after beating me that he will pour acid on me saying “shey its because you’re beautiful that’s why you’re misbehaving”, Rejoice mimicked her husband.

One day in 2022, Mike beat me and torn clothes off my body and pushed me to the compound. It was my neighbours that ran to cover me with wrapper”.

When asked if she ever laid any complaints about the abuse, Rejoice said she made several attempts to tell his family especially his mother who will call but all to no avail.

“I told his mother about his behaviour, she will call him but after assuring the mother that he will change, that night I must receive beating for even telling her. I told our pastor also and he was summoned to a meeting. In the meeting, Mike looked me in the face and told everyone present that I’m promiscuous. “That I’m running after men as a married woman. All I wished that day was the ground to open and swallow me up because of the shame I felt.”

She continued to narrate the effects the abuse had on her health.

“During one of his beating spree, I fainted. Thank God neighbours were around and I was rushed to the hospital. It was after I wake up that I even realised that I was pregnant when series of test was carried on me. I was not excited about the news because of the situation at home.

I started antenatal and it was discovered that I have a very low blood pressure.

“My heart beat wasn’t normal because it was always skipping anytime I see Mike.
“There was a time I ran back to my parents house but he kept calling me and begging me. I thought of my children living without a father.

“So after about six months in Taraba, my parents encouraged me to go back. But I think that was the biggest mistake I made in my entire life.

“When I returned back everything was going on well. I thought I had finally gotten the rest of mind I have always prayed. After three months of peace, the real lion in Mike showed up. He started his trouble again not just inside but in the open. He will start slapping me outside whenever I made any little mistake. My salary was his, if I refuse he will almost pull the roof down.
“My life became so miserable that it started affecting my job as a teacher. I was no more consecrating.

“He doesn’t give us money for food, if my children get sick, I foot the bill. He goes out to hang out with friends. He brings his female friends to our home. He sometimes tell them I am his house help. My children tells me everything that happens whenever I either go to visit my aunt. As I speak with you, not only I’m I battling with low blood pressure, I also have ulcer. My nine old daughter also have it. My son is having series of health challenges.

When my son needed money for hernia surgery, I had to raise the money myself for his surgery and transportation. When I asked Mike for help, he said he had no money. His own mother even advised me that if I had a way to leave the marriage, I should, saying that Mike is just like his father.

“We’ve been forced to move from house to house because of constant issues. Sometimes, landlords would ask us to leave, saying they didn’t want any trouble from a man like him. In every place we lived, I had to pay the rent myself because Mike would claim he didn’t have any money. I also pay for my children’s school fees and clothes.” She declared .

Speaking further Rejoice said “When I couldn’t take it anymore, I had to run away to my aunt place. After like two weeks, I went to my children’s school (the same place I teach) to pick them because I can’t allow my children to stay with someone like him. Moreover, he started taking them to beer parlours in our neighbourhood and I was just getting calls from people as to why I would allow such.

“I must confess that, it has not been easy with me. I am yet to get any job. My aunt is no longer working because of her own health challenges. My children have also been out of school”, Rejoice added.

As the world marks the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women, celebrated on 25th of November each year which usually heralds the 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, running till December 10th, it is imperative that the government and other stakeholders do more to address the issue of domestic violence in Nigeria.

The theme for the 2024 International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women is “Towards Beijing +30: UNITE to End Violence Against Women and Girls.”

We must task the government to do more in terms of policy formulation, prosecution, and support for victims of domestic violence as we also mark 30th anniversary of the Beijing Declaration and Platform for Action.